It may be Feb 1st, but I find January is vacation month, and not at all a good time for getting my head around the year - so Happy New Year, to all of you. I hope it's going well so far.
To kick of the year, my artists support group (a few of us meet every couple of weeks to check in, support, encourage, help out and cheer each other on) have been talking about how we're feeling about 2014, where we feel weary and where we have excitement or energy. This, alone, is a great exercise, because I often find I'm not alone in the things I'm feeling and when I am feeling negative, the group is quick to bolster me with encouragement.
So, as I've been doing a January clear out of my house, I've had the strong urge to purge all my old songwriting notes, all the half written songs, all the "needing rewriting" songs - just toss the whole damn lot. And start clean. Everything, from here on out, is new.
This is a scary idea.
So I packed everything into one neat folder, put it on a shelf and tried to pretend that was enough.
But, like a demon in a box, it scratched and writhed and I am not at ease with that stuff still sitting there. It needs to burn.
So I took this conundrum to my artists support group. I was kinda hoping for an offer to help me burn stuff (I'm also feeling similar about 20 years of diaries sitting in my garage), but instead I got some great support - not surprisingly.
The result - I'm going to make a "Best Of..." album!! It's going to be demo recordings of the best bunch of songs from that lot, and then everything goes.
And then everything from that point will be new.
Funny how just making that decision, knowing that I will honour all that work and creativity with a recording of the best of it, makes me far less anxious about having the notes stored in the music room. To honour and respect yourself in all your decisions is the greatest path to walk. Perhaps that's all those scratching, writing songs needed. To be honoured, and then set free.
Or perhaps that is what I need, what I need to give to myself - honour and respect for my hard work, and then to set myself free to become something new. To make something new. To be let go of the old and to embrace the new.
I just wish it wasn't so scary.....there's fear in letting it all go, burning it and moving on. Will I have anything new to write? Will it be any good? Who will I be if I let everything I have been go? It's scary stuff.
I'll keep you posted on how the recordings are coming along. Any votes on which songs to include??